


Crazy

by MaliceLuna



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21649516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaliceLuna/pseuds/MaliceLuna
Summary: Wilson just lost Amber. The fighting struggle to not lose House grows in the doctors mind even if he can barely look at the man.
Relationships: Greg House/James Wilson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hihi! Thanks for checking me out. I hope you all enjoy. Please ignore any errors, I try my best to double check but things do get out of my sight. 
> 
> Characters and situations may stretch a bit out of the comfort of characters for the story.

The slow steps, passing bodies, voices that only sound like a murmur. He’d left the hospital for awhile after Amber’s death. He’d not seen House since then, he couldn’t face the man. Not without thinking about Amber and when he thought about Amber, he only felt angry. It took some time for him to clean out his belongings in Amber’s apartment, settling back into a hotel. Unable to stay away from work due to the thoughts racing through his head each morning, noon and night, he decided it was best to come back. The thought of leaving the hospital and finding work elsewhere had crossed his mind over a dozen times though.

Brown, tired eyes downcast to the floor. Watching the tiles pass as Wilson had made his distance from the front lobby, past the elevator and into the stairs. He knew the chances of running into House once the man got word he had come back would be slim. From what he heard House was suffering still. ‘ _Good_ ’ Wilson thought, ‘ _I hope he suffers for a very long time._ ’ his face expressed his distaste. Slowly, that expression was replaced with his furrowed brows, frowning lips and hunched body. Even when Wilson thought about how much he wanted to scream at House, call him names, hit him, it was always replaced with guilt.

Hands shoved into both lab coats pockets. Wilson had to slow down up the stairs, he moved to sit down, hand moved from a pocket to rest against his face. Maybe this was a bad idea, he was worried about running into House, however, something inside him wanted to run into the older man. He could feel his chest tightening, breathing was becoming hard. His hand lowered to grip his white shirt, creating wrinkles. Staring forward, the brown eyes begged for a spot to look at to distract himself, a thought to enter his mind that wouldn’t be of House or his dead girlfriend. It just got worse. The thoughts of never seeing her at work again, not driving the road to her apartment, smelling her on some of his clothing. It all became too much.

Sweat, it was dripping from his face. But he felt so cold, trembling. Was he dying? ‘ _Come on James. You’re a doctor, you know you’re not dying. Panic attack? Very possible. If Lisa sees you like this, she’ll send you straight home._ ’  
  


Wilson hid in the stairwell for what felt like a good 15 to 30 minutes, he’d lost track of time trying to pace his breathing, remembering that breathing was in fact important. His head snapped up to hearing someone taking the stairs, brows furrowed. ‘ _Please don’t come to this level, I just need another minute_.’ but the steps were getting closer. ‘ _Shoes? Heels? Oh god._ ’ quickly Wilson adjusted himself to look like he was retying his shoelace. Perfect timing, wiping his brow as Lisa clacked her way up to him and paused. “I heard you were back.” he could feel her eyes staring holes into his head, he couldn’t look at her yet, she’d know. “Yep. Just got in this morning.” playing with his strings, he could see her heels. She was probably standing there by the way her feet were placed with both hands on those hips.

“Mm. I don’t think it’s good for you to be back here so soon, Dr. Wilson. Then again, both you and House seem to be very stubborn in that area, aren’t you?” Slowly standing he dusted off his pants and looked at Lisa. “I’m fine, Dr. Cuddy. I want to be back. I need to see my children, I promised them I wouldn’t disappear on them all.” she shook her head, “I’m sure they’d understand for a little while, they are in good hands.” Wilson smiled, tiling his head just slightly, “Oh I am sure they are in wonderful hands, but a promise is a promise.” with that he turned and pulled the door open. Saying little of a goodbye to Lisa as it closed behind him. He could only imagine that look of pity eyeing him as he left.

Work seemed to go by too fast. He didn’t want to head back to the hotel, he felt maybe an overnight shift would best suit his needs for now. While his mind was busy, overworking and thinking about his patients, it kept him safe. Anytime he ended up alone in an exam room, supply office or just walking down the stairs he could feel the anxiety coming. He didn’t want to have an episode like this morning. He had to stay strong. A page to his beeper, a quick glance and he was off again to work.

Eventually he told the nurses he was working a 24 shift today. They looked at him with a little worry but no questions were asked. He had a pile of folders under his arm, he’d not been able to get the courage to head to his office, it was right by House’s. He didn’t want to see the man, not like this. He found a spot in the cafeteria on a slow point in work that night, going through his folders, signing papers, checking things over. His vision slowly blurred, bringing both hands up to rub at his eyes, hoping a few little slaps would get him back into the game. If he was in an area where he knew someone would come through, he could keep himself together. Though as his hands came down they felt wet, looking down at his fingers he noticed tears. Lifting both hands to come back up and aggressively wipe away the water streaking down his face, not sure why this was happening to him. He shoved the files away to keep them from getting wet, he was getting so angry with himself at this point.

‘ _You’re here to work, stop acting like such a child._ ’ his chest ached, a throbbing pain. Quickly, he stood, snatching his papers and hurrying off to the elevator, he had to get out of here and back to a public place. Slamming his finger against the up button, he looked up at the floor it was previously on, head tilting. He eyed the doors opening, what his vision saw was enough to leave him breathless. Stepping back, fingers gripping the files tightly as they crumpled up.

“Wilson. . .”

Lowering his gaze down, the pain in his chest got worse. Breathing deeply, he tried his best to look annoyed. ‘ _Go, James. Leave._ ’ it was when he realised House was standing in front of him. He couldn’t look up, he didn’t want to see that apologetic expression, didn’t want to hear House try and get him to forgive. It almost seemed like House had been looking for him, had he? ‘ _Would it be so bad if that answer was yes?_ ’

“James, look at me.” It was stern, but the break in House’s voice was enough to feel a sting in Wilson’s chest. Using his name like that. ‘ _How dare he. Does he think that he can just go back to using my first name like we’re close_?’ Brown eyes furrowed, he felt sadness from even thinking he could spew these horrible words around in his mind. House was his friend, no matter what. He remembered how he felt knowing both House and Amber were in the hospital, struggling to stay alive. Losing them both would have sent him off the ledge, he’d of drowned in sorrow.   
  
Lost so deeply in thoughts, Wilson didn’t feel House grab his chin, turn it to make the younger doctor look at him. Brown eyes, full of sorrow, anger and fear just stared into House’s bright blues. Wilson could almost see the punishment House had set himself into after Amber had died. It clicked. House was touching him, staring straight into his soul. He didn’t want him to read into this, didn’t want him to know how bad it killed Wilson to feel this way. So as quickly as House had grabbed his chin, Wilson shoved House back into the wall with a force that not only knocked the papers out from his hands and let them scatter all over the floor, House felt a little pain in both shoulders.   
  
Wilson quickly found himself fleeing from that floor, leaving the papers to fend for themselves. He disappeared from House’s view, using the stairs as his means of escape. His chest felt tight, stumbling up the stairs, holding onto the railing as his breath became laboured, eyes frantically searching for a way out. He wanted to see House so badly today, but that also had a lining of fear cracked under the cement, it was just enough to send him on the tails end of another anxiety attack. His mind raced with all the bad things that had happened and could happen that he didn’t see Chase coming down the stairs in front of him, colliding into the Australian man only caused him more panic, Did House send Chase to stop him so he could catch up? ‘ _Come on Wilson, that’s impossible. Right_?’

Chase held his hands out to quickly grab Wilson, keeping him from falling backwards down the stairs. “Whoa whoa! Dr. Wilson?” Chase breathed out, fear of falling for the both of them bouncing around the blonde mans brain. Chase could see the panicked, distant look in Wilson’s eyes and tried to get him to sit down for a second, “Dr. Wilson, your breathing.” Wilson felt like if he stalled here any longer, House would appear. “I-I’m fine. Thank you.” he pushed away from Chase, careful to not knock them both down, the second attempt would end poorly for them both. Feeling Chase let go of him, he stepped to the side and continued his hurried steps up the stairs.

A slam to his door, a click of the lock, turning the lights off and closing the blinds as he made his way to the couch, flopping against it, turning and laying down. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Hours had passed, knocks to his door, voices. It just caused him to stress, Lisa was right. This was a bad idea to come back so soon, it overwhelmed him to the point he was hiding in the dark of his office. He’d sleep here, his pager was on him, his cell phone was on his desk and he’d just wait for someone to need him. Both eyes slipped closed again, he was out.

A knock to his door woke him, slowly sitting up and rubbing the sleep from brown eyes, Wilson turned and looked at the door, the shadow under it caused distress. “House?” the younger man whispered, slowly pushing himself up and bringing a hand to unlock the door, gently pushing open. The shadow became to flip and flicker under the light, eyes widened as he saw House standing there with a hole in his head, “Wilson. You said you’d be there for me. They took a piece of my brain because you weren’t there to tell them no.” he watched as House’s hands brought themselves up to grip his head, blood suddenly started oozing out, he stepped back, bringing a hand to his mouth, his body felt like it was going to collapse. His stomach turning and tossing at the sight. “Why Wilson? I didn’t mean to kill her. Is this how you punish me?”

A loud slam snapped Wilson from his sleep, sitting up so fast he felt vertigo, slamming off the couch and hitting the floor. A groan. His eyes adjusted to the dark room around him, hearing the slam again at the balcony door. His brows furrowed, he had to take a second to let that dream dissolve into the world of living. Pushing himself up to stand, he was able to find feet. Slowly he made his way to the balcony door, pressing his hands against it after it had unlocked, letting it slowly open. He saw balloon tied to his chair, but what made that slamming noise he doesn’t know. Peeking around, he stepped out and snatched the balloon, letting it slip off. Pulling it closer and peeking at the letter. It was from House.  
  
Sitting down on his couch, lights back on he stared at the letter. He hadn’t opened it, didn’t want to yet. It just said ‘Read when you’re ready. House’

His fingers danced over the card for a few minutes, just feeling it over like he could read what was inside without opening it. He stood, setting the card down on his desk. The balloon was red, he eyed it and lowered to tie it to his chair now. Moving to his front door, pushed it open and saw his files stacked neatly to the side of the door. Leaning down he picked them up and stepped back to also place them on the desk. He figured House managed to get everything back in order for him.

Wilson had avoided anyone who knew House as best as possible, just the fear of running into him again was setting high on his mind, it was causing work to get a little rough. Taking back all his scheduled meetings with patients today had kept him in his Office most the morning. He could hear House in the office space next to him, sometimes bouncing that ball, something loud being slammed down or just what he swears was tapping on his balcony window. He had a few unfortunate patients, having to tell them the treatment wasn’t working but he wanted to try others if they were willing. Some did, others just had that look of defeat. He knew that look all to well. He managed to get almost everyone to set up for a new treatment, wanting them to fight just as hard as he was willing to.  
  
After the meetings, Wilson slowly stood. He’d not eaten much in the past few days, it showed. His clothing was becoming a bit big on him. His vision blurred, feeling his legs give out a little. Pressing both hands to the desk corners, he was able to stay standing. He’d have to go to his hotel tonight and get cleaned up, taking a shower here wasn’t really an option when he didn’t have spare clothing to change into. Deep breath. His mind went back to the dream with House. ‘ _Why House? Why don’t I dream of Amber anymore_ ’ he wondered if it was because House was still alive, was it fear of losing him?

A snort. Wilson started laughing softly. Shoulders shaking, wet dots started to hit the desk that held him up. ‘ _It must be raining inside, how odd._ ’


	2. Chapter 2

Driving into work seemed to be a death sentence. Parking in the lot he looked over to the handicap spots, spotting House’s bike. He was there early, or did he just not leave. Putting his car into park, turning it off, getting out with a suitcase, closing and locked it up. Shoving car keys into a pant pocket, he took the slow steps into the hospital. ‘ _Just don’t look around too much, you might see him._ ’ Wilson told himself ‘ _Keep your eyes to the ground’._

Holding the door for a few people who were heading out. He nodded his head after the thanks and went inside, going to the front desk to look and see if there was anything for him since his pager wasn’t going off and his cellphone had no missed calls. He pulled a few papers out and checked them. Headed to his floor, checking on the children then adults. Making sure every parent, child and older were doing well this morning. His final room was one he was the most worried about, a young boy, his cancer had just kept coming back after every surgery. The boys parents were struggling to come to terms with it, he didn’t blame them. The boy was such a sweet child, always smiling even when he wasn’t feeling good. They sometimes stayed late to play card games with him, Wilson and the boys parents. It was pretty relaxing.

“Good morning.” Wilson spoke, the parents looked tired, worn out but smiled to him. The child was awake, playing a video game on his little hand held system. “How are we feeling today?” he asked, snapping on his gloves. Moving over to check the lumps, bumps and anything else he could feel. “Alright. I guess.” Wilson’s brows furrowed, that was an odd response from the boy, he eyed the parents, they looked like they’d done something, at the end of their ropes perhaps. “I’m done with treatment.” came next, Wilson stepped back, hands on hips. “What? you’re done?” the boy nodded and set down his game, giving him full attention now. “Mom and Dad are right, it just keeps coming back. It’s better to just go home and ride this out.” Wilson snorted, glaring over at the two parents who sat there and looked at him “So you talked your eleven year old out of treatment, because?” the father slowly stood up and sighed, “Look. We appreciate everything you’ve done Dr. Wilson, but, we’re tired, he’s tired, there’s no end in sight and wouldn’t it just be better for him to be somewhere that makes him happy?” he noticed the mother looking away.  
  
“Can I talk to you outside? Both of you.” Wilson stepped out of the room, waiting for both parents to step out as he slid the door closed, “This obviously isn’t his idea. So, why?” the father spoke once more, “As I told you. He’s tired of being tested on.” “No. That’s not it, he seemed happy to know we weren’t giving up just a few days ago. It’s really because you’re tired of spending money on his treatment, tired of having to stay here all the time. That’s selfish.” Wilson spat, nurses looked over at the hushed argument. Wilson brought both hands up, frustration. Running fingertips through his brown hair, messing it up. “If I go inside, is that really going to be his answer? If I walk in there without you both standing over him, would that honestly be what he wants?” the mother just kept her gaze down, “Are you not going to stop him? Your sons life is in danger if he leaves, at least here we can keep it monitored, do our best. Pray that one time it’d just-” “Enough.” the father roared. Brown eyes widened as he looked up at the taller, bigger man. He could see from the corner of his eyes the nurses slowly standing. “Enough! We are taking our son home today. Enough is enough. He’s going to die.” the fathers hands threw around in anger. “You can only say it in so many words, we understand it. He understands it, he knows he’s going to die, he knows his life is over.”  
  
Wilson felt his chest tighten, the thought of this man telling his child that he was dead, that there was no point. “Are you kidding me? You told your son he was dead? Who does that. Who goes in there and stares their child in the face and tells them there’s no hope. What monster does that?” Wilson spat, this time reaching the mans level of tone, the mother looked like she wanted to cry. “I want to stay at your son’s side and do everything I can to keep him alive, to give him another day.” A loud crack, Wilson found himself on the ground, vision trying to put the big man back into a single figure instead of three. Brows furrowed, he could hear muffled screaming, was it from the mother or nurses? He could barely make out what the angry man was barking at him. The wife was trying to pull him back, shame she was so small and security was so slow. He felt his head smashed against the glass, was this the first or second time? At least with the man closer he could hear him a bit better.  
  
“He’s not your son! You don’t know what’s best for him or my family. All you’ve done is give false hope. You’re the monster. Killing my child slowly for your experiments.” a louder noise, the man lifted his arms and held them up. Slowly turning his back to Wilson, he noticed that security had came, tasers out. Reaching a hand back he slowly felt the back of his head, a small whimper came out as he brought it back, fingertips covered in blood. ‘ _Oh. Nice_.’ Wilson thought as nurses swarmed him, checking his head and yelling for a first aid kit. Wilson could only watch the wife of the man look at him, her expression just saying sorry. His eyes lowered, she would be sorry when her son would die a slow painful death in their home. ‘ _Morbid, James._ ’ a hand touched his, looking up he saw Cameron. She was speaking to him but he couldn’t really make out her words yet, his brain was screaming from the throbs. Watching her lips she must have been asking him if he was alright. ‘ _Sure,_ _I think my brain is splattered behind me but, I’m A-OK._ ’ he thought.

Spending a few hours in an exam room while his head was cleaned up, stitched and bandaged. Wilson had plenty of time to think about the situation that went down. He was informed by Lisa that the Father and Mother took their son home and asked if he wanted to press charges. He wanted to make the father suffer, but he felt it was just him attacking the man for something else, his head slowly shook no. ‘ _Why bother when they probably have nothing to give._ _Their son will be dead in days. They’ll regret this._ ’

The nurse had left awhile ago, as did Lisa. He just sat on the exam table letting his legs gently swing back and forth. These past two days had been pretty rough on him, mentally and physically. He feels like he was making it this way on purpose, he wanted the pain.

He stared up at the door, watching it. He wished House would come see him, he’s sure word got around. Mostly from Cameron. He was unsure why he wanted House, he knew it might cause him to panic, might bring him to run away again. Something deep inside him just wanted House to walk through that door, tell him how stupid he was to antagonise that man and then laugh it off with some sadistic jokes. There was no one coming to see him. Slowly slipping off the table, reaching for the light and turning it off he pulled open the door to the hallway.

“Hey.” Wilson slowly looked up, focusing on the cane tightly held by a hand full of long fingers, slowly pulling his gaze further up to see a man who looked just as bad as he felt. How long had he been standing there? Wilson wondered. Must have been awhile, it looked like House’s leg was aching. “Hey..” he responded, wondering if House was here because of the letter. He hadn’t read that yet. “I haven’t read your let-” House held a hand up and stopped him, “I figured. I’m not here because of the letter. My best friend was attacked by a huge bear, I’m just making sure he’s in one piece.” Wilson reacted by reaching back to touch the head wound wrapped in bandages, a hand swatted it away. When did House get so close? When did brown eyes dive into blues. “Don’t touch it. I saw the damage to the glass. Surprised you’re walking around. Your head must be pounding.” Wilson tilted his head, did he take anything? “I think they gave me something when I got into the room. It’s a dull ache right now.”

A hand came to rest on the top of his head, away from the wound. The warmth made Wilson lower his eyes to a close, he felt sadness sweep over him. He hadn’t been this close to House in awhile. He felt so selfish but he had a right to be, didn’t he? “What did they say about your head? Concussion? Or just headaches incoming.” swallowing down the tears, he tames the lip quiver enough to speak “No concussion, just going to be pretty sore for a while.” all the hate he felt for House was still there, he wanted to shove that hand away, yell at House and tell him how selfish it was for bringing Amber there that night, allowing her to get hurt. Forcing him to watch her die and make him watch his best friend almost die too. But he knew, he knew damned well it was Amber’s choice to go.  
  
“Stay the night with me.” Wilson’s brown eyes shot open, looking up at House as the hand left his head. “Just the night, I want to make sure you’re going to be alright.” After all he’d done to House, blaming him, being mad, avoiding him and giving the cold shoulder. He wanted him to come over? “Don’t say no, I can see it on your face.” Wilson gripped hands together, what does he say? Does he give in and let House win, ‘ _win what? What does House win exactly? A best friend that should be there for him_ ’. His shoulders lowered in defeat, “Alright.” he could hear House’s voice pitch up in excitement. “Can I ride home with you? We can stop and get some pizza and beer.” a hand to his mouth, chewing on a finger, “Yeah. Sure..I-yeah.” He could hear House moving to leave “I’ll go grab my stuff from my office. Oh. I’m driving your car.” House lifted a hand to his head, implying Wilson shouldn’t drive with that.  
  
Splitting to different Offices, Wilson slowly grabbed his stuff. Coat, suitcase, keys. A knock to the door, his head turned looking at House standing there with his jacket on, backpack wrapped about his shoulders from the strap and his cane in hand. The other hand was holding out for the keys as Wilson stepped up, pulling them from his pocket and placing them in House’s hand. “You look tired. When was the last time you closed your eyes for more than a minute.” Wilson looked up, staring at the taller man, letting the question register, “Mm, I’ve been really busy catching up on cases, files to sign. I’ve just had no time to head back to the Hotel.” Wilson’s hand went flicking the light off for the room, stepping out with House. Wilson could tell House’s limp was a little worse after the accident.   
  
Outside, doors opening and closing, House starting the engine, putting it in reverse to back out. Wilson looked over at House’s bike, wondering why he was alright just leaving it here. Honestly Wilson felt he could drive home. Though this made the younger doctor think, he was in a car with House, he was close to the man who he was trying so hard to find something, anything to blame him for. He wanted House to suffer more than he did in that hospital bed, but the truth was, he couldn’t find anything. House did nothing wrong. He didn’t kill Amber. Bringing a hand to his face, rubbing the tired away, he tried to think about the end game here. Did House want something from him? ‘ _Idiot, he wants you to be his friend._ ’ he could feel House’s eyes on him occasionally during the ride. “Having an internal fight with yourself? The expressions you’re making make me believe you’re about to throw down.” Wilson blinked, turning to look at House. Was he making expressions? Shaking his head “I, uh. I’m just..” “Trying not to yell at me?” this made Wilson a bit upset, though it was more confusion. “What? no. House I-I don’t want to yell at you.” lies. ‘ _You’ve wanted to yell at him, then you think about it and you calm down after. All you want to do is be angry._ ’ Wilson nodded his head, just angry for no reason.

“Well, if you decide to indulge me on your brains insight, let me know.” Wilson just gave a small grunt, looking down as the car slowly stopped, he could tell they were at House’s apartment. He watched as House put the car in park and popped the emergency break. Unbuckling his seat belt, popped the car door open, turned around and closed it. He wasn’t planning on staying the night, in fact, after dinner he was expecting to leave. Being near House still hurt, but he wasn’t sure if that ache in his heart was because he couldn’t just stay. Feeling a hand to his back, he looked up at House giving him a small nudge to the pavement leading up to the apartment. The touch was so warm, but it caused him to flinch. He quickly stepped up, away from the older doctor.  
  
At the door, House pulled out his key and unlocked the door, giving it a good push open and limped inside, setting the car keys on the counter. Wilson eyed them, he’d remember to take note on his way out, tossing his coat over the couch he slowly made his way around to sit on the very corner seat. House went to the phone, picked it up and dialled out, he could hear him ordering their normal pizza’s. Wilson was getting a small headache, bringing both hands up to his forehead and rubbing it with finger tips. A few taps of the cane, a click of a glass on the table in front of him and a tap to his shoulder brought the head up, tiredly and blurry to see a hand held open with two white tablets. “What’s this?” a wiggle of the open hands fingers “Headache medication. Looks like you’re about to get a good one.” Wilson nodded thankful and took them, popping them in his mouth and taking the glass of water, drinking it down.

“You haven’t been eating well? Your clothing are a bit loose.” a hand came as House sat down to touch the shirt Wilson was wearing, giving it a small tug. Wilson pulled his body away. House noticed and brought the hand up in retreat. “I heard there’s a good monster truck show on tonight, you interested? If not we’ve got the fallback of Soap Operas.” Wilson felt a small smile tug at his lips, then it went. He could hear the TV turn on, the flipping of random channels. House was waiting for him to speak, “Oh. Oh-uh, I think monster trucks for now. If it gets too boring we can go on Soap.” House made an approving noise, flipping to the right channel.

House made light conversation towards Wilson, the man gave a small amount back. The door rang, pizza was here. Watching as House slowly got himself up, limped around to the door and opened it to see two large pizzas, Wilson looked away when House turned to close the door and hobble over to the couch. Wilson sat there as House went back to the kitchen, got the booze and came back. Handing Wilson one, popping one open for himself and sat down closer this time. It felt like every time House got up, the distance between them got shorter.

The pizza on Wilson’s plate sat there the entire time, House noticed. Mostly because he’d eaten at least three slices so far. “Wilson?” this brought Wilson out of his daze, looking over at House. “You’ve barely spoken, haven’t touched your food, your beer isn’t even open.” this made Wilson look at the table in front of him, it was all there. The pizza was probably now cold. “I think this was a bad idea, House.” bringing both hands up to his face, his vision was so blurry. He was unable to concentrate on the TV, the conversation, the food. “The pizza?” House commented, Wilson brought both hands into his temples, “No. Not that pizza, just being here. This was a mistake. I can’t concentrate.” House muttered, “Wilson, I’m sorry.”

Both hands tightened, Wilson fought hard to look up at House, staring into those blue eyes that just screamed of guilt, it wasn’t right to allow House to keep dwelling over something like this. “It’s not your fault House. I-I want to find a reason to be mad, hate you, make your life miserable. But I can’t, I can’t find a single one. You did nothing.” House just stared at him, Wilson watched. It killed him to see House look so vulnerable. “I’m just not over it yet. I need a little bit more time.” Wilson slowly stood, grabbing his coat off the back of the couch. A hand grabbed his wrist, stopping him. “Wilson, you can’t drive. Your heads busted, you’ve barely slept, you don’t eat. I’m afraid you’re grounded till I think you’re well enough to go.” Wilson gently pulled his hand away, “I’ll call a cab. You can drive my car to work tomorrow and I’ll pick it up from there.” House brought both hands up, “I think you’re missing the point. You aren’t working tomorrow, Cuddy has you off for two days to recover. Though I think you need more.” Wilson snorted, “More? What I need is space. Looking at you upsets me, it makes me..” “Makes you what, James. Makes you actually want to forgive me and try and let things go back to normal?” Wilson brought a hand to his face, heavy sigh “It makes me think about how much this is just a give relationship between us. I have nothing to give anymore, Greg.” House slowly stood up, stepping around to stop Wilson from getting to the phone.

“Then sit down and take. Take all you want, just stop killing yourself because you can’t figure out how.” Wilson laughed at House’s words, “It’s not that I don’t know how to take, House. I just don’t know what to take from you without having to give to get it. Move.” House brought his cane down on the floor, proving he was going to be a pain. “House. Move.” House only shrugged “I can’t do that. I’m giving you me, James. Whatever you want, you can take. Just sit down, let your body relax for the night, if you can’t come to terms with,” his hand waved between them “I’ll take you home in the morning.”

  
Wilson bit his bottom lip, bringing a hand up to slide fingers against a tense neck. “I don’t know how to get what I need from you, Greg.” a hand pressed against Wilson’s chest, he could feel the pressure against his heart’s beat. “Ask.” was a gruff reply, brown eyes slowly moved their vision up to look into those electric blues. Licking lips, his mouth opened “I need you to hold me.” the request, he could tell made House tense. House wasn’t accustom to physical affection and it showed. But, if House wanted him to stay he’ll have to give in for him.

Watching House fight himself, the older man moved closer, hands replaced from his chest to around the waist. Wilson felt himself being pushed close against the warmth of House. A sigh escaped a parted mouth, his body slowly relaxed, his face buried into the mans chest, bringing his own arms around to close the distance. He could feel House’s leg twitching for a chance to sit down, he’d give it to him. Soon.


	3. Chapter 3

The night turned into House holding Wilson, them snuggling into the couch for awhile. Eventually Wilson passed out, House went to hide the car keys and get ready for bed. Making sure to check one more time on the sleeping man laying there before actually limping off to his room.

Wilson laid there, eyes slowly opening to a sound coming from the hallway. His head gently tilted, giving him an upside down view of the light on under the closed door to House’s room. Slowly rolling right side up, he pulled his body up from laying down to sitting up. Putting both feet on the floor, he’d pad his way over to lean against the wooden obstacle in his way, just to listen. He could hear murmurs, they sounded distressed. Slowly moving from the door, he knocked. No answer from House. He knocked a bit louder now “House, I know you’re in there. I could hear you just a moment ago, if you don’t speak I’m just coming in.” he waited, nothing. A heavy sigh, this was what he was talking about. House was just all take, he never gave. He always managed to get himself in something while Wilson really needed him. Shoving the door open to let it slam against the wall behind it, it bounced back but the younger doctor caught it, storming right in.   
  
“What the hell are you--” Wilson stopped, the sheets were covered in blood, it was so red he swears if it wasn’t for how wet it looked, it might have just been painted that way. “House?” looking around he could see the blood trail leading to the closet. “House!?” panicked, he quickly hurried over to the closet, slipping on the blood he cracked his shoulder straight down into the floor, wincing. The warmth of the blood was just so fresh, what was House doing. Using his feet he quickly kicked himself around to both knees and crawled the rest of the way, grabbing both handles to the closet, shoving it wide open.

Jumping back he watched as black crows flew out, the pressure of the wind their wings created was enough to take his breath away. “W-what the hell!?” brown eyes focused on the closet. Nothing. There was nothing there. Looking around, his eyes surveyed the now clean room. ‘ _There was blood, so much blood. Where did it go_!’ his mind screamed. “You’re too late.” sliding around on the floor to look at the entrance to the room, he saw House hunched there, no cane. It almost looked like he was dragging himself into the open area. It was so sluggish. “Late? Greg, what the hell is happening!”   
  
The man watched as House slammed against the floor, hearing that sickening crack of bones. It caused his stomach to flip. Quickly, though, he hurried to get to House’s side, just as he reached him he was thrown back, slamming against the floor. “You left me alone. Alone in my misery.” the voice started to sound distorted, like someone was changing the radio station and it was hitting the middle of two stations. Brown eyes widened, “I didn’t leave you, I’m right here. I never left!” his eyes struggled to watch blood ooze around the broken body. “Wilson.” it was so stern, “What? What House! What do you want me to do?”

“Wilson. Wake up.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Come on, Wilson. You’re alright.”  
“I know I’m fine, you’re the one dying!”  
“Wake up.”  
  


A loud noise, his head jerked to the side. Bringing a hand up and placing it against the assaulted area, his brown eyes tried to focus around the room, everything was just so blurry, fading. Wilson could feel his body and mind slipping away from the floor. A louder voice, “Wilson? Hey buddy, wake up.” what focused around his vision was House. “Wha?” he could feel two hands pressed tightly against his cheeks, “You were screaming bloody murder out here. Screaming my name. If you didn’t stop I was afraid my neighbours was thinking I was murdering you.” Wilson brought both his own hands up to press against the older mans, clutching hands tightly. ‘ _A dream. It was another stupid dream._ ’

A heavy sigh from House, watching him lean back on the table in front of the TV. “Bad dream.” Wilson croaked out, bringing a hand up to his head and giving it a few little rubs, relief hitting him from knowing he was awake. “How long has this been happening?” the tone, House was trying to diagnose him. Adjusting himself on the couch, “Since Amber died. They used to be of her, but they weren’t exactly nightmares. Now that I’ve come back to work, it’s you.” his hand waved at House, there was no use lying, House heard him crying out his name. “I’m in your nightmares? I mean, I’m flattered, of course you’d think so highly of me.” a head lolled back onto the couch “Shut up.” both hands came up and gripped the bandage on his head. “You are dying in each one. Granted, so far it’s only been two dreams so far.”

“You’re having stress from me almost dying. It’s attacking you in your dreams since you don’t want to face it in the real world.” House’s voice just pissed him off, a deep breath. Wilson slowly sat up to face House, glaring at him. “Yes, let me just sit down with you and explain to you how much this has messed me up. How much I just can’t stop thinking about you in the hospital, how much pain you were in, watching your eyes struggle with guilt and how I let you burn alone.” House brought his hand up to grab Wilson’s hand, the younger man tried to pull away. No use. “House let me go.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“House I’m _fucking_ serious.”  
  
“So am I. You said you needed me, I’m letting you take it all. So the sooner you start allowing yourself to accept this, us. The sooner you’re going to know it’s not just a one off.” Wilson looked down, “You keep talking about us like there's something there.” feeling House adjust himself on the table, “Do you want to hit me?” brown eyes snapped up to look at House’s face, there was no smirk on his face. “What? You think I’m just going to resort to violence?! House. I’m upset, I’m not an abuser.” a nod from House’s head “I know you’re not. I’m telling you, if you wanted to. I wouldn’t stop you.” Wilson finally pulled his hand away, “House you’re not making this better, abusing you won’t make these nightmares go away. I really think I need to go back to the hotel.”  
  
“And I think you need to stop running away when you get scared. I’m telling you I’m open for you to take and now you’re making reasons to close up.” a hand grabbed Wilson’s wrist, pulling it up to place on House’s chest. “I’m right here.” brown eyes lowered, his hand gripped tightly against the shirt. Wilson was fighting this, though all he wanted to do was curl up and be held. To know that everything was going to be alright. He could feel a hand strongly on his back, pulling him close. House had moved himself onto the couch right next to Wilson, two strong, firm hands wrapped around him in the tightest hug Wilson has ever felt in his life. It almost took the breath right from his lungs.

Soon, his vision was fading. He could hear House humming something soft.

Eyes snapped open, his vision was frantically trying to figure out why he was unable to move.  Was this another dream? eyes d arting around the room  which was  half lit with light from the windows, he could hear another heartbeat, feel a chest under him rising and lowering, fingers twitched against his back, holding him. House. It was House holding him, he looked around noticing that somehow they’d fell over onto the couch.  H im on top of House, looking down he could see House’s leg half on the coffee table,  he had a feeling the man would regret this  position . Not sure what time it was, Wilson slowly brought a hand up  to gently touch against the older mans face, sliding over the scrappy beard, tracing over the jawline and to lips.

House stirred and just as the fingers had traced, they’d moved away, “Good morning.” Wilson muttered, unable to move till House decided he could. Tired blues slowly opened, looking at Wilson like he was almost a foreign object, he could see the gears working themselves in House’s brain, then it clicked. “Ah, right. Good morning.” slowly the hands that held Wilson so tightly had let go. Moving from on top of House, Wilson stretched, giving the other man room to do the same. His body was sore from the position they’d slept in, but House was giving like he’d promised.

Standing, Wilson made his way to the kitchen, checking the time. “It’s almost 8AM. Don’t you have work today?” his stare followed to the couch, House groaned “No. I’m not going in till you go back.” Wilson snorted, “Are you kidding me? there’s no reason for you to stay here.” House sat up, showing his messy bed head to Wilson “Oh right. No reason for me to stay at all.” a finger gently tapped at his head. “You need to change that, looks like it bled a little.” Wilson brought a hand up and touched against where the wound was, flinch. Looking down at fingers, it was a little wet with blood, did it bleed when he was getting up? “Really. I’m going to be alright.” House made yet another noise, a disapproving one “Yes, let me just head to work after we cuddled all night. It was just so romantic I think my heart skipped a few beats in my sleep. So, while you get to play lovely house-wife, I’ll be the big strong man who goes to work leaving you alone with your morbid thoughts.”  
  
A hand was brought up to his lips, Wilson was thinking. “Romantic?” he pulled now at the lip, giving it a few tugs. “It was a joke Wilson, we all know you’re straight as a bullet. Unless somehow you tripped while firing. Then again, wouldn’t that still be pretty straight?” placing both hands to his hips, Wilson spoke “Of course. Failed relationships, dead girlfriend. I’m just starting to wonder why I’m never able to be happy. Must have been that misfire of my gun a few months ago. Thought I heard the devil cry.” watching House stand up and make his way to the kitchen, flipping the coffee machine on for them both. “It’s because you love a train wreck, you just don’t want to admit it.” Wilson’s hand slowly moved between the two. “You’re my train wreck, that’s proof enough. Isn’t it? Why would I need more derailment in my life.”

Down casting his eyes, he missed this. The small yips of them just arguing for no reason, it didn’t even mean anything. Slowly, he found his seat. “Don’t close up on me now, Jimmy. You can’t just call me a train wreck and give me a wrong number, you’ve got me feeling funny things in my groin.” Wilson shook his head, jokes. It’s all jokes. Don’t think too hard on this. “I’m fine, House. I just really think you’d drive yourself nuts staying here all day when you could entertain yourself with some puzzles at work.”

A hand came down on the table in front of Wilson “A lot has happened between us in just. Well, all our time knowing each other, so you either gear up and play the good student who follows me around at work. Or, we just lay on the couch all day and I eventually make you snap from how bored I am.” a small shake of Wilson’s head, lowering hands and a small silence of thought. He wanted to fight, wanted to fight the normalcy of their dynamics. The thought of getting back to normal scared him, he didn’t want to forget Amber. “Alright! get dressed in your sloppiest attire. There will be no confusion that you’re not working today. If I see even one hint of you trying to work, I’ll poke your eyes out. That way, you can’t see work. Maybe ever!”   
  
Wilson cracked a smile, covering his face to hide it. Standing he went to House’s closet, knowing he hid his clothing there, every time he stayed he somehow left pieces of clothing laying around. House liked to collect it and place it in this closet. If he didn’t know better, House was trying to signal him to move in.  
  
A good hour or two later, House and Wilson enter the hospital. Greeted by Lisa who looked a bit annoyed at House’s lateness and concern for Wilson’s appearance, bringing both hands up he spoke “I’m not working. House is just letting me tag along for the day.” Lisa’s eyes looked to House, raising eyebrows. “It’s true, I have a heart after all. I want him to see just how brilliant this brain is. He is always so full of doubt of my greatness. Today’s the day to impress him and finally ask him out on that date I’ve been meaning to. But, once he sees how good I am at work, no doubts he’ll drop his pants.” Wilson groaned, “House.” just in return was a look of devious intent. “I’d be more surprised if that didn’t just come out of your mouth, House. Get to work, you’ve got a few patients today. Not to mention that wonders of clinic duty. No dipping out, if I find out you got someone else to work your shift today, I’ll dock your pay.” house brought a hand to his heart, “Gasp. Cruel!”

It didn’t take long for Wilson to find a seat in the meeting room, House’s team sitting around and discussing a case. No one questioned him being there.  It felt nice to just sit, listening and not feel like a burden. Listening to House ranting on about a cause, family history, what they have in their home and who the person sleeps with. Chewing on his lip, Wilson wanted to chip in but knew if he did, House would smack him, or  duct tape his mouth  o r even make him sit alone in the office area. Wilson was even coming on to rounds with House, when he felt like checking on a patient, or when House knew a patient lied, so he went to scare them into the truth. The way House worked sometimes, it just made him question the older doctors methods. The man was brilliant, the way he thought, put together pieces and made it all fall together was such a c onfusing painting  for any outsider .

H e sat on House’s couch, watching the man work at his desk. Trying to solve the latest case. “This just doesn’t make sense, Sandy-” “Sammy.” Wilson correct ed , “Sandy is showing signs of one disease but the medication’s not working. I think we’re missing something. Something she’s not telling us.” Wilson pressed both hands together, letting his chin rest against them. “Why does someone have to b e lying for there to just be something you’re missing?” House scoffed, “Have you seen me? My brain is so big, it’s hard to not mop the little pieces up off the floor. She’s lying about something, something that is going to kill her.” he watched as House stood, “Let’s go pay her a visit.” Wilson brought his hand up, “As much as I would love to watch you berate a  nineteen year old. I’m going to sit here for a bit, I’m feeling a little tired.”  
  
A hand to his forehead, “No fever.” “House I said I was tired, not burning up.” the hand removed itself, “Don’t leave the office, I’ll be back soon.” giving a small salute, he watched the man limp out. Once the door closed, Wilson stood up, giving it a good 30 seconds before making his way out of the room. Shoving both hands into his pants pockets, watching as patients, nurses and doctors went to and from.  Heading to the elevator, pressing the button. Doors opened, closed and opened. Stepping out onto his floor, eyes searched around. It was just a day since leaving here, but he needed to check.   
  
“Dr. Wilson.” An angry female voice appeared behind him, slowly looking back, he offered the most charming smile he could produce. “Dr. Cameron, didn’t expect you to be roaming these floors.”  he watched her arms cross, a worried look. “I’m fine. I’m just wandering around while House is working on a case.” she didn’t buy it, he could tell. Her expression didn’t change, “Then you have no reason to be on this floor.” Wilson’s shoulders rolled from tension, “I mean. This is my floor. I do work here, just not working today. I was hoping to make sure all my patients have been moved to another doctor, everyone is up to speed.” a heavy sigh, her arms relaxed. “ Dr. Cuddy made sure everything was taken care of last night. You should leave before Dr. House finds you here.” bringing both hands up, he waved them “Alright. I’m going.”  she was going to watch him the entire time. Entering the Elevator, watching the doors close.

The ding, doors opened. Stepping out he glanced around the hallway. No House yet. Slowly finding a bench to sit on for families waiting for news, good or bad. He leaned forward, looking ahead.  The things House said this morning, he finally had a moment to think about it, hoping to hide on his floor where it was a little more quieter didn’t work.   
  
Wilson was very much in love with House, all these relationships just never worked out, but he thought for sure Amber was different, she was the one that would make all the bad things turn around. Bringing his face down into open hands, he hid.  House fell for a few women, more so enjoyed the hooker life. Right now, his mind was aching, his heart was in pieces and he felt the stress of being so confused  weighing over him.

“There you are. I told you not to leave the office.” bringing his head up, he looked at House. “Was getting a bit stuffy. Figured here would be fine, it’s not too far out of your range.” House sat down next to him, “You ready to go home?” ‘ _Home_ ’ Wilson thought, ‘ _what is home?_ ’. House was trying so hard, he could tell, to keep Wilson sane, to give him what he needed. Wilson wanted to push, see how far he could go with the older man. Poke the wound till it caused horrible pain and House would push him away. “Hotel.” Wilson corrected, getting a look.  
  
“Ha? I think you misheard me-” “Oh no. I heard you. I’ve played your game, House. It’s time for me to head back into my lane.” a wave of his hand, he could tell House was annoyed. Push more. “I don’t think you understand when this game is over, because If I’m looking at the stats. Ah, not over!” Wilson rotated shoulders, leaning back to appear taller. “Oh. Did I forget to mention I closed the game’s file? Big ol’power button.” House chuckled, “You don’t know anything about this game, you can’t close it till it’s over. You’re not even a gamer, I don’t think you’d know how to use my handheld if I showed you what buttons were what. I’m giving you another night with me, I think you should appreciate it.” 

Wilson’s face betrayed his want to keep pushing, it twisted into a sour expression. “Giving me? you’re giving me.” House flinched, his joke might have went too far. “What I need you to give me is my keys back. I need you to go back to your late night hookers and jokes about how much you love me. Who knows, maybe you’ll call me late one night for help and I’ll fucking die on the way.” standing up, Wilson now went too far, he couldn’t control this anger. A hand grabbed Wilson’s wrist, tightening to the point it was painful. “I _think you want_ to take that back.” spat House. “You want to know what I think House?” ‘ _Back down, Wilson_.’ “I think you want to re-think your approach, pushing me to feel like I actually matter to you in this weird, twisted game. You love to point out how much I need you, instead of just _shut up_ and be there. I didn’t know it was so hard to just be a _friend._ ”  
  
House gripped tighter, Wilson winced. “I was just about to say the same thing about _you_. You seemed so happy to have me holding you, the expression on your face was pure bliss. Now you’re acting like I did _nothing_ for you.” Wilson yanked at his wrist, no go. “Let go.” he growled, “Answer me.” House replied. “I told you. I’m not playing your games anymore, I honestly thought you cared about my feelings, what a joke I am, want to go and tell your hooker ladies how much you sure fooled me?” House slowly let go of Wilson’s wrist, “What are you talking about. What joke?” House was trying to confuse Wilson, he wasn’t going to fall for it. “Enough. I’m hurting. My girlfriend is dead, I have no one. I’m alone.”   
  
“You’re not alone, you have me. If you’d stop flip flopping between wanting me and not, maybe we can get through this. But you’re acting so stuck up, like the world owes you the fucking moon. I almost died that day. I felt like I was dying from guilt, I didn’t want to wake up. Watching my best friend hate me.” he brought a finger up to stop Wilson from speaking, “Don’t say you don’t hate me, I can see it in your eyes. The flare of anger and hate. The sooner you got closer to me again, it turned into a rage. This morning I thought for a second, just a bit of normalcy would be good. It seems all it did was twist your wires up.” Wilson had nothing to say. Looking away instead.  
  
He could hear House stand up, see him out of the corner of his eyes. “You’re coming home with me. You’re not trustworthy to be alone. Hate me all you want in my apartment, but hate me at a close distance.” Wilson shook his head, “You don’t want me there.” a small shove, “If I didn’t want you there, I’d not enforce it. Now get ready, we’re leaving.”


	4. Chapter 4

In the car, Wilson had the window rolled down. His fingers dancing on  the car door, no rhythm to it. The radio was playing a light tune of jazz, head rolled back resting on the seat.  The little temper tantrum Wilson threw was a rough one, it sat on the tip of the mans tongue.  It almost tasted like a bitter sweet sea, no matter how much you drank the water, you knew eventually you would die of thirst.  The hand stopped tapping, pressing to his forehead. The bandage was still there, he ripped it off and threw it to the floor. House said nothing.  Lowering his hands, staring at the fingers, he remembers how he held Amber close, the way her skin felt, her smell. He wishes he could soak it up once more, he didn’t want to lose her memory.  Looking over to the driver, House stared ahead. A worn expression painting over a beat down man, how much more can  he take.  How much more could they both handle.

A  finger came to his mouth, Wilson allowed the skin to slowly be removed from teeth chewing. His thoughts moved to the drive, how the car was planted down on the asphalt. How easy it would be to yank that wheel from House and send them over the edge of the hill they were approaching. Soon, fingers slowly lowered to the door handle on his side. How easy it would be to rip the door open and fly out. ‘ _So dark, James. This is so unlike you. But thoughts are just thoughts, actions are worse._ ’ he snorted a laugh, catching House’s attention and eyes moved down to the hands tightening around the door handle. House slowed the car down.  
  
Parking. The car parked in a spot close to the door, House was already out, hiding the keys in his pants pocket. Brown eyes noted all the movements the older man made, how awkward it felt between them. “Come on, James.” fingers slowly found their way back to the door handle, pulling it and pushing the door open to step out. Once the car was locked up, both made their way inside. Hands shoved into his pockets, Wilson had nothing to hold, nothing to do.  
  
“I don’t want to be here.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
The door closed, the light came on and Wilson was greeted by the same living room as this morning. Kicking off shoes, he wandered over to the TV and took it over. He could hear House asking what he wanted for dinner, he didn’t answer. Instead flicking on the TV and making it just loud enough he didn’t have to hear the man anymore. 

‘ _He’s right. You’re angry._ ’

A head tilt, Soap Opera.

‘ _You’re going to rip his skin off, James._ ’ 

Movement in the kitchen behind him.

‘ _He doesn’t deserve this punishment from you, he didn’t kill her._ ’

Clanking of glasses.

‘ _You’re making him think he does. That’s not fair._ ’

Two glasses set down on the table in front of Wilson.

‘ _Speak_ ’

Silence.

Looking at the two glasses sitting on the table, his hand tossed the remote to the side of the glasses and moved for a cup. Giving it a small sniff, whisky.  Glancing to his left, Wilson watched House sit down, but far a way from him. Spinning the ice in the glass around, he enjoyed the sound. “ I wish I could be more like her.” a murmur, “Who?” House replied. “Amber. She just, she couldn’t find it in her heart to be mad. I think I’m doing that for her.” House waved a hand, grabbing at his glass. “ Someone has to.”  the way he said it, Wilson looked over, he could see House struggling. 

S tanding, Wilson threw the glass against the wall. House didn’t flinch, he didn’t even look up. “What am I supposed to do, Greg?! You  _called_ me, she picked up.” his hand pressed to his chest, gripping the shirt. “It was supposed to be me getting you. You’d of got in the car, we’d of drove home together.” he could see House take a sip of the whisky. “Could have, would have, should have. It makes no difference now, James. You can keep running the situation in your mind till you go crazy. Nothing will ever change the outcome.” anger, Wilson felt it tickling. “What do you mean? Of course it would have changed, everything would have changed that night had you just-” interrupted, “ What, Jimmy? If I’d just not been out, not been so stupidly drunk and calling for my best friend to save me. Maybe it’d of been a good night for us all.”  
  
Leaning on the back of the couch, Wilson brought both hands to his face. He was blaming House.  He didn’t want to say anything more, not when the bile of his anger was on the rise. “ Nightmares, I have nightmares of  _you._ ” clatter of ice, “I know, James. I have nightmares too.”  brows raised. ‘ _I’ve been so wrapped around my own sorrow, I haven’t bothered to ask._ ’  gripping his head of messy brown locks, yanking. Wilson felt so selfish, lowering his head down into arms, hiding away. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

“I’m just glad you stayed. I was worried you’d of transferred, or never wanted to see me again.” a snort of laughter from the younger man, shaking his body against the couch. “You forced me to come, House.” a click of the tongue “No one forced you here, James. You could have walked away, you’re a grown man. What am I going to do? Hold you hostage and demand love?” slowly lifting his head, Wilson looked through blurry eyes at House, ‘ _Demand love_?’ “Grabbing wrists and standing in my way is sure an odd way to say ‘Hi! I am so excited to block your passageway out. But, we won’t call that holding you against your will. Too complex’”

H ouse chuckled, bringing the cold glass of whisky to his forehead. Wilson watched. “The only complex thing about this, is you. You want me, you hate me, you need me and then you shove me away. You cry out my name at night and act like I’m the devil incarnate. Maybe I am, maybe I am.” it looked like House cheered himself to that, taking a sip. “The worst part about this whole situation is watching my best friend fall to pieces because I royally fucked him in probably one of the best relationships he’ll ever have. And I hated it, I hated it because I wanted you.” a sour laugh, downing the rest of his drink, House stood and walked to clean up the glass Wilson had exploded over the floor.  
  
“ Wanted me?” brows furrowed, “you’re telling me you did it on purpose because you hated her being with me?” his nostrils flared, “No.  Now y ou’re staking me out to be a murder, I’m far from such. I don’t work as a doctor to kill my patients, James. I didn’t set out to murder your girlfriend and I surely didn’t know she’d be the one coming.” a broom, paper towels and a tired man. “You just keep trying to find a reason to despise me because it’d make you feel oh so much better. B ut, from what I can see. It’s making you a bitter, horrible person.”  Wilson tensed, looking at his hands. “It’s making you crazy.” 

“Is it because you don’t want to lose me too? Maybe the thought of pushing away the only person who you really need will stop the pain. You’ve dug yourself too deep, Jimmy. You’re a well loved man. Your patients, the hospital staff and me.” Wilson brought both hands to push himself away from the couch, turning to face the man who finished sweeping up the mess he’d made. “You want to know what’s making me crazy?” the look on House’s face said no, but he knew it’d come out anyway.  
  
“ _You._ ”

A  deep breath. “I know I shouldn’t be doing this.” both hands waved around to the apartment, “I know you’re not the one that killed her.” soon hands pressed to his chest, clutching that white shirt that begged to be ironed out. “You push, you push me because you want me to stay. You need me just as much as I need you. We’re so horrible for each other, we’re perfect. Aren’t we?” House didn’t answer, “I hurt. The hurt is bursting at the seams and I know damned well, you don’t deserve this anger. I tell myself this every time I open my mouth. But you play with me, sometimes I think you don’t know you’re  in just as deep as me. ” narrowed blue eyes, questions. “I love you. I have always loved you. But, I thought Amber would be the one to set me back on track.  This dysfunctional relationship we both sink in. It’s proved to be a killer.”  with that, Wilson walked up to House, brought one hand to his chest and another to the mans hip, a jingle, House felt pressure in his pocket and keys were retrieved.  
  
Wilson dangled them up, “I’m going back to the hotel. I’ll be back at work tomorrow.”

Turning, Wilson slammed the door behind him. Turning, he pushed the front door open to the building.  
  
BANG.

His heart stopped, turning back to look at the apartment he’d just left. The shot ringing in his ears. That must have been something else, maybe House slammed something against the door. Stepping back from the front door, he turned back to House’s, pushing both hands against it and opening. His eyes watched as blood trailed down the tiled floor. Following the trail he saw House pressed against the table, half on and more tangled off.  
  
“ _House!_ ”

Gasping, Wilson sat up from the couch and grabbed his chest, he couldn’t find air. Trying to access where he was, his eyes travelled quickly across the state of the room. House’s apartment, he was obviously sitting on the couch.  It was dark, no lights on. Grabbing around he turned the TV on for light, keeping the volume down as he quickly spun around on the couch, knees pressed into the cushions as he peered into the kitchen. Nothing. It was clean and empty. Looking back at the TV, his eyes glanced down at his watch. “2AM..” he breathed. Was that entire thing just a dream?  
  
He must have fallen asleep when he sat down on the couch, so that whole argument was just a dream. Hopping off the couch he slowly made way down the hall to House’s room, not even waiting he pulled the door open letting a small light shine in on House laying in bed, sheets tangled over him. Brows furrowed. Wilson felt like he was going crazy. Was this a dream too?

A  hand came up to his face, gripping it tightly. “Is this real?” lowering the hand, he looked at it, shaking.  
  
“James? What are you doing.” Wilson looked up, House was slowly pulling himself up to a sit on the bed, hand went to the light and flicked it on. His mouth dry, a hand rested against the door frame, “When did I fall asleep out there?” House just gave a tired, confused expression. “When did you fall asleep? I don’t know James, sometime between getting home and the drink. You were out cold when I looked over from the TV.” a heavy sigh, so the dream he had was just them arguing, it wasn’t real. “Bad dream?” a slow nod, “ bad dream.” Wilson replied.  He could hear House shifting in the bed and a few patting noises, brown eyes glanced to  the offering  of a place on the bedside. “Come on,  Dadd y will keep you safe from the demons.” Wilson stepped in, closing the door behind him and walked to the side of House’s bed, slowly crawling in and digging into the blankets. They smelled just like House. 

A flick of a light going  off, darkness again. But this time Wilson had someone moving next to him, eyes closed.

A loud bang entered the room, his brown eyes opened widely. Sitting up he looked around, there was light coming in from the windows. He scanned over to where House had been sleeping to see him gone.  A deep breath, Wilson slowly made it out of the bed, feet slapping against the hard wood to the hallway, pulling the door fully open he could see a light on in the kitchen, hear pans moving around and smell something. Was House cooking? carefully  making his way to where the living room and kitchen were, leaning around the corner and peeking,  House  was in fact cooking. He could see pancake mix, eggs and coffee being made. Wiggling his nose, Wilson slowly pulled himself further around so he’d be known to House.

Watching as House turned his head to glance “Morning. Didn’t want to wake you, since you haven’t been sleeping well.” bringing a finger to lips, he chewed on one. “Mm? It smells really good in here. Am I dreaming? I’m not exactly sure this isn’t another nightmare in wait.” House rolled both shoulders, “That’s really not up for me to decide, I could tell you it’s not but who is to stay I’m not lying to you.” Wilson moved around and watched as House flipped a pancake, letting it cook on the other side. Brows furrowed, “I feel crazy, House.” slowly, he sat down at the table.  
  
“Crazy? I mean. Who isn’t crazy. Look at me? I’m not exactly the sanest person in this room, though I think I might be a runner up soon.” Wilson rolled eyes, “How do I know this isn’t a dream?” the noise House made was one of thought, a rough grunt “I seriously think if someone was to question whether they were dreaming or not, wouldn’t really do it in a dream. Seems more like what a person who is awake but thinks their dreaming would spat.” Wilson drew his fingers against the table, drawing little designs. “But last night felt so real” A plate set on the table, brown eyes looked at the delicious looking pancakes. “What was it about?” an empty plate was placed in front of him, soon butter and syrup. “You.” House snorted, “You’ve been dreaming about me a lot lately, is there something you are trying to tell me? Honestly, this game of House and Wilson isn’t a very fun one!” Wilson shoved House gently as he sat down next to him.  
  
Reaching out to grab some pancakes, he hadn’t eaten much these past few days. Too much on his mind, in his mind and out of his mind. “I really don’t want to talk about it. Mostly not the last one I had. Just,” he shivered, rubbing arms. “Just to real for me.” House forked a couple pancakes and doused them in butter and syrup “Best ones to talk about are the ones that feel so real you think you’d pee yourself. That’s digging into something I’m interested in.” “Peeing myself?” “No- Idiot. Your real dreams, there’s meaning behind them. Or some stupid bullshit I’ve heard from some of the nurses. Giggling girls.”  
  
Wilson pulled around his share and started to eat. He’d watch House watch him, probably making sure he didn’t slip some under the table for their pretend dog. “You died. In every. Single. One.” clatter of a fork on the plate, adjusting next to him “Because you’re scared of losing me.”, “House don’t be ridiculous.” a shrug of shoulders, House looked very serious “How is that ridiculous? Every dream you’ve had of me is me dying, you wake up in tears, screaming for me. You love me, James.” Wilson laughed nervously, “I think you’re more in love with the idea I might be having these dreams because I might be in love with you. You love that self gratification.” House nodded, he wasn’t going to hide that. “Besides, you do dumb things all the time, I shouldn’t put my heart near you, you’ll just shove it in an electrical socket.” a snort from the older man. He found it funny.  
  
“You’ll realise you’re in love with me and come crawling back into my arms James. I hope you’re ready for the victory dance I’ve got all lined up for it.” a grin, Wilson made a disapproving noise, finishing his pancakes. “Come crawling back? When have I ever-- never mind. So, I finally get to go back to work today, don’t I?” a nod from House, “I’m going to go insane if I had to follow you around and endure your torture another day.” “That wouldn’t be so bad. I’m sure you’re into the kinky stuff.” Wilson coughed, he almost choked on the coffee that had entered his mouth. Glaring at House.  
  
Within a few hours both men were dressed and out the door. Wilson just still clinging onto that hope that this wasn’t a dream. His hands reached out, fingers gently touches House’s hand as he walked ahead of him. Blue eyes shot back at looked into brown “Just a matter of time, you’ll be crawling into my office with those puppy dog eyes asking me to take your hand in marriage.” Wilson busted out laughed, it was the first time in awhile he actually felt OK. “Yeah right.” 

The Hospital was busy, House and Wilson ended up having to split up right away. Wilson had some consults and House had a case. Finally in some free time, Wilson sat at his desk, signing some files, looking over some charts and preparing for a meeting. Brown eyes looked over at the letter, the balloon had deflated, sad little balloon. Fingers gripping the letter, Wilson tugged it closer and slowly flicked the opening “What the hell..might as well.” using his other hand he pulled the card out. It was a cute card, a cute puppy with big brown eyes staring at him ‘ _Nice House, is this what you think I would look like as a dog?_ ’

Slowly opening the card, it was just the normal writing of the card, just saying get well soon. Brows furrowed in confusion “Get well soon? shouldn’t this be your card, House?” a small hum, Wilson looked at the bottom where House would have signed. ‘Love, Greg.’ staring, moments passed. Closing the card. “Love Greg?” setting the card down, Wilson stood up and headed next door, checking his watch again. He had time. Pushing the door open to House’s office, he could see the man sitting in the dimly lit office, looking at some papers. That was until blue eyes lifted to look at him. “Ah, see? I told you, you’d be crawling back into my arms!” House lowered the pen down, bringing both hands behind his head.  
  
Wilson sat down at the chair in front of the desk, staring House down. “What? Did someone tell you I was flirting with a nurse on oncology? Look, I was just looking for some answers, she meant nothing to me, baby.” Wilson’s lip twitched, almost smiled, ‘ _Almost got me, nice try._ ’ Wilson thought. “Your letter.” House’s face lit up, “You finally read it? What did you think about the dog on the front. It’s you, it’s completely you.” House was so sure of himself, a hand slamming down on the desk. Wilson shook his head, “I am not a dog, House.” the man looked upset he didn’t appreciate his idea on what human dog Wilson was “I mean, no of course you’re not a dog but you have to admit, I did amazing finding your inner hound.”

“Stop focusing on the dog, House.” Wilson sighed, bringing a hand up to wave at House, trying to get his attention to focus. “The inside of the card. You signed it ‘Love, Greg’.” House’s face looked shocked, a hand to his chest. “I did!? Oh wow, that’s so embarrassing. I obviously meant to sign ‘Super love ya, Greg!’” House flailed both arms around, “Do you have the card? I have to fix this.” Wilson looked a bit confused, but also tried not to read into it to give House some kind of satisfaction.

“House. I’m serious, why did you sign it that way?” the older man looked annoyed now, bringing a hand up and flipped a finger between himself and Wilson, “I know you’re not dumb. Stop pretending. You sound like me trying to get Cuddy to admit she wants to have sex with me.” Wilson stood, rubbing two fingers against his nose. “Good lord, House. Never mind!” turning, he headed for the door. “Really? You come in here, ask me questions, I answer you and you walk out! How are we going to make this relationship work if you never open up to your feelings, Jimmy!” Wilson had the door open, he could see people stopping and staring. Blush.

The day was tedious, after asking House about the card he’d followed him around the Hospital, embarrassing him in front of patients. “House you’re really pushing it,” Wilson turned, pointing a finger at the older man. “Oooh, are you going to punish me when we get home?” Wilson instead, smacked House over the head with the clipboard he had, getting a nice little ouch from the other. “Stop it. You’re being unprofessional.” House pouted, rubbing his head “So are you.” brows raised in questions, “You’re just ignoring the cute little card towards you. You finally read it and now you’re ignoring it.” Wilson adjusted his tie, “What are you a fifteen year old girl? Honestly, I took the card out of context. Let’s move on with our day. I’m enjoying working again, try not to step on that happiness.” House brought his finger up and poked Wilson in the forehead, “You didn’t misread anything. You really are an idiot, so good with the women but horrible with a guy. I’m offended you don’t treat me like your women!” Wilson shushed House, bringing a hand to his mouth, covering it. “Stop! Look, if you’re serious about this, meet me in my office tonight after work. Just, stop! Go back to your case. You’re making me crazy.” House winked, licking the hand. Wilson jerked back his hand and shook it, “Aw, come on..”  
  
After that horrific experience, House had gone back to work and Wilson had got to his meetings. Looking at his watch, it was about time to head home, he’d just sign off on some papers, check on a few things and make his way to his office. Getting to his floor, he stopped at his office, looking at the door he could see something laying on the ground, bending down and picking it up he flipped it around two fingers. “A dried rose?” brown eyes slowly lifted to see a little light coming in from his room. “Oh god.” his heart skipped a beat, this was a joke right? Slowly pushing the door open, he could see some candles, more rose petals and a man sitting at his desk.

“House.” Wilson breathed, the man slowly stood up, grabbing his cane and limping over to get a bit closer “You told me to meet you in your office, why are you looking surprised.” both hands went out and waved around at the distraction, “Candles, petals, you? How can I not be surprised.” House looked around and gasped, “Oh right! I did that. What? No woman has ever surprised you with a romantic ask out?” Wilson groaned, placing both hands on hips, “I’m normally the one asking them out.” a hum from the older man, “That’s where it goes wrong, you need someone asking you out.” House snapped his fingers a few times in thought, “Like me.”

“Are you asking me out House?”

“It’s not obvious? Dammit, I should have done something else.”

“No-- I mean yes, yes! It’s very obvious you’re asking me something.”  
  
“I’m asking you out.”  
  
A small pause,

“Can we go home to celebrate?”  
  


“Is that a yes?”  
  


“God, I’ve got to be crazy but, yes. I’ll go out with you.”


End file.
